07.06.08

Starting to recognize my age.

I have recently realized that I’m starting to realize I’m not THAT young anymore. I am two months, almost a month and a half from turning 25. Now I understand that most women, if they heard me say this, would want to hit me. Especially when I say that I’m also going to complain about the fact that I am at my heaviest I’ve ever been at 145. Maybe heavier. I’m probably lying. A “I’m giving you the old 5 pounds under.” It makes me feel better about myself.
However, this is not what made recognize, or think, “I should really start acting my age.” The other night. July 4th 2008, I attempted to break dance at my friends roof party. There is a simple break dancing move, I don’t know what its actually called. You get into a sort of, frog like squatting position. And then proceed to spin you leg clockwise, or counter clockwise, around and under your other leg and arms. I used do this easily when I was younger. (mind you I was wearing sneakers and it was usually a slick floor) I also probably weighed closer to 115, 120.
So here, on my friends roof, I attempted to pull this, many a Fourth of July drinks under. After nearly two revolutions, I stood up and suddenly felt a burning feeling on my left foot. I was probably moving counter clockwise. (In retrospect and knowing where I’m scarred, I’m positive it was clockwise.) My foot starting bleeding in an arch like shape over the patch just below my ankle. Like the arch of a shark bite.
I was kind of shocked, and then felt stupid very quickly. I ran into a back room to calm myself down. I may have cried I think. Pathetic. I was quite a bitch for the rest of the night to my friends. I also got a little freaked out by the people doing lines in the back room. I’m not a coke person.
Now I’ve been healing for the last two days, dwelling on my own stupidity. Then suddenly it hit me. First off I need to be healthier. BUT also, I shouldn’t really be break dancing. I need to accept that fact that I’m a little older. AND I actually never really could break dance, which means drink less. It’s a hard transition and accept that your not in college anymore. I used to say that I never really had a real “college experience” and that I’m making up for lost time. But chances are I’m drinking to hide the fact that I’m afraid to accept responsibility. This is true, and now I need to get over it, move on, and grow up.