Is it 9 yet?

That's really all I'm thinking about right now, at this moment. Nine is when my love calls me, or so he said he would. And I know that will help me. Help me through this funk that is my life.
Why can't life be glamorous? I can tell you what the opposite of glamorous is. Its my life, for the most part, right now. The life that wakes me up in the morning, wondering where I will be 10 months from now. Not with child, you dirty dirty little minds. I just hope, 10 months from now, I won't be here. Here, is in West Stockbridge Massachusetts, living in a house that was built in 1810. Living in a town that hasn't changed, superficially, since... who knows... 1900? And me, working for my father, in a job that causes depression just by sitting down. I have a college degree and years of professional experience and extended learning. I have lived abroad, and got by on my own. What am I doing now? Photocopies! And Stapling! And creating folders! Gee I'm so glad I spent 4.5 years studying nonsense film. BECAUSE IT IS TOTALLY PAYING OFF! Seriously. I haven't had "I want to jump into the future" fantasies since I was in high school. Perhaps, me thinks, because I am being treated much like I was in high school, NOW, by my Dad and Step mom. Let me tell you how AWESOME it is to be 26 years old and have your step mom comment on your table manners. Its like, grade A.
I don't know if I can go on right now. Dwelling on the present makes me want to cry, all the time. I just talked to my boyfriend though, and he made me smile. I have that, and that is worth more than I can ask for. Stepping up starts from the first step. And if you have a strong supportive first step, that makes you feel safe to move forward. If you think about it that way, then maybe things aren't so bad.

I can tell you what pathetic looks like

Sitting on my bed, watching whatever DVDs I can gather, eating an oatmeal cream pie. That followed the three Coors Light cans I took down within the last few hours. Oh, and I made myself a pasta dinner with bratwurst.
My days are spent stabbing at internet job sites, and tossing my resume into the job pool. The most work I do is running. Submitting a resume to a job in New York is somewhat like throwing a penny in a fountain and expecting a wish to come true. At least, during THESE tough economic times.
I may have another Coors as well. The shit tastes like piss. HA! I am watching the British Office. My only saving grace. I was watching Spaced. Either way, they're both awesome and I win. I wish I could live vicariously through Jessica Stevenson. That would be pretty nice. Excuse me. Jessica HYNES. Apparently she's married now and has three kids. Good for her. And kudos to her for taking her husbands last name. I am going to slowly wallow into whatever I do now. TA TA.

Its Been a While:

Quite obviously, I have been in a lull... Well, I've actually just been busy and tired. I have started running. Mostly to lose weight. One of my friends from middle school that I still keep in touch with, is a marathon runner. When I knew her she and I generally WALKED, together during our lacrosse team runs. We were definitely slow. But I always played defense. She was offense. I just didn't have to move that much. I guess that's why I played more. No one wants to play defense. But I'm a "take what I can get" kind of person, so I settled. Regardless of all that nonsense, we were lazy. So now she runs marathons. I figure if she can do it, I can do it. Although, its not so good for the knee I dislocated last summer. I wear a brace. I would love to have a really bionic looking one. That would be sweet. Make a brace that makes me look part robot. Maybe I will be a robot for Halloween. My friend is going to be Judge Dread. He might think I am ripping him off. I'll have to see.
(I've changed my costume idea about five times this year by the way. I'm drifting between scary dentist, which I have mentioned, Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell, and others. Now I'm considering Robot. But that would be pretty sweet. Not going to lie.)
I'm jumping all over the place here. I apologize.
I was busy for the past couple of weeks for many reasons. I was helping with wardrobe on some little indie film, and attending to things in Massachusetts that I don't care to bring up.
Everything's been kind of crazy, but hopefully by my 26th birthday I will have more shit figured out.

Sorry, I'm a bit of a liar.

I have no will. I think I've mentioned that before.

So yes... occasionally I make promises that I don't keep. I haven't written in a few days. I guess I have been sort of busy, which is a good thing. My life is all about the desire to be busy these days. I was face painting on Sunday, and today I was was... sort of working. I'm not getting paid. So its not like "work." But its something. Its production work. I'm touching the movie, so I'm happy.
I've also been JOGGING everyday. Me? YES ME. And it's rough, but I'm trying. I want to get healthy, and thin. That would be neat. Then maybe I could actually attract men that don't completely suck. Not saying I do all the time. But lately? Yes. The suck keeps rolling in, and I hate it. I would like to find a pleasant gentleman, who is cute and nice. My written preferences will continue to change as I get more desperate. Someday it will just be, "ME WANT MAN."
OR it will be the more likely opposite. My standards will get so specific, that I will retreat to a cave, and become a lonely spinster.
OR... some lovely man will come a long soon. Then I will just simply be distracted and not write as much here.
OOOOORRRRR. I will write all about it. And then read it in the future when we are broken up, and hate myself for having written it.

Its all about the positives kids.

What happened to good ol' entertainment?

Listen. I understand there are a lot of shitty shit movies that spring out of the pot every year. But it is the summer. This is blockbuster season. The reason they come out now, is because distribution knows that they aren't going to get Oscars. They also know that young teens are going to be out of school, and ready for enormity.
Surprise, surprise. Transformers Revenge of the Fallen isn't the best movie ever. It's also Michael Bay. So yeah... explosions, and some stereotypes. I'm sorry, but when did people start seeing Transformers for political commentary? I was very aware I was about to go watch some robots blow some shit up. That's why I referred to them as "explodebots" before the movie started. I wasn't expecting Shia Labeouf to give me an award winning performance, I wasn't expecting Megan Fox to depict chastity, and I wasn't expecting Bay to create some sort of meaningful homage to the embittered world we live in. I wanted a god damn summer blockbuster, and that's what I fucking got.

So, if I hear one more wah wah political rant about Michael Bay, I will fucking choke someone. I swear. And chances are, it will be the hipster to my left. I almost want to see it again to spite them. But I can't afford. it.

I give T-Formers an A, for being exactly what I wanted it to be. Kick Ass.

My brother is supposed to be up. He is SUPPOSED to be answering his phone, as we are taking a train uptown to see Transformers on IMAX, and I refuse to get shitty seats. There are loads of things on my mind right now, but I can't quite organize them and hash them out at the moment. Maybe later when I have more time. Right now, I would just like my brother to pick up his damn phone so I know he is coming. I paid too much money to let this go to waste. I would have to find a last minute replacement, and I really don't want to.

I am sure this is all VERY fascinating to you. I know it isn't. BUT, I will have more to say later.

I promise, I promise

I will write everyday if I can. And I didn't write yesterday. I know.

I (damnit my mom won't stop texting me! I do NOT have unlimited text!) You know, out of the brackets. Texting drives me fucking crazy. If you have like, more than two sentences to utter, call me. UUGGHHHH. She won't stop!! Its one of those mornings, I can feel it. The tiniest little kick will turn me to the dark side. It will take nothing to piss me off. On this occasion, it happens to be asking me questions about my day that I just don't care to answer. I also already said it all yesterday.

Parents, parents, parents. I have four parents. I am sure there are many kids in America who live in this same situation. And there are even more who probably have more parents who have remarried over and over again. Those poor souls probably don't even have a parent to relate to or attach to. My my.

However, as lovely as my parents are, I really start to hate it when I have to repeat the same thing over and over again. And if one doesn't hear something, because I told the other and forgot, I get that puppy like whimper of "No, you didn't tell me." I would LOVE to put my mom and dad on conference calls and just say, "Shut your mouths. This is what's going on. Please, no questions until after the meeting has adjourned. Rita MORE COFFEE!" I don't know who Rita is, but she is one of the best assistants that has ever graced this earth.

Man. I need to run or something. I can feel stress coming from no where. I hate that kind. It snowballs out of nothing.

This is a weaker post. Sorry. But hey... practice, practice, practice.
Maybe all you need is a little bit of this: