So maybe I'll call it a quarter life crisis:

Because that's what all the cool kids are saying? Right?
I seriously... well, I'm afraid I peaked at 25. I think I will never be as happy as I was for those magical four months. And NO, it has nothing to do with anyone other than myself. I was free to do, say, and be what I wanted to be. My sister brought that up to me the other day, and I hadn't really thought about it. But its true. I was being something else, because no one there who knew me could, well - judge me.
I just feel so blank. Not just creatively. As a person. You know when you hear stories about young people who die. Their family always tells the media that they had so much to live for. "She had so many plans! She didn't get a chance to live!"
Well, I have zero plans, and I think I have lived a fulfilling life, for the most part. I've learned a lot. I've been to the places I have wanted to go, and beyond. I have met fantastic people. So if I die, I hope my parents wouldn't say those things. That just wouldn't be true.
So what the fuck do I do now? I have a HUGE blank slate in front of me, and I don't care to be involved. Those in my life, who also exist on the slate, can dance around and LIVE life, as they say. I hate the idea of, "if you aren't doing something, then you aren't living" I think that's bullshit. I just prefer to live my life differently. Its my god damn life, I can do what I want with it. Someone may have given it to me, but that wasn't my fault. And I grew, and now I am some fucking person, and they expect me to mosey around like a paper doll, do this that and the other thing. "YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE!" Really? Because, I have been living day in and out for the past 25 years, and it feels a lot longer than "once."
So back to my point. I am in the midst of a quarter life crisis. I am at a cross roads, a standstill, a block. Or maybe a dead end. I was driving, I hit a dead end, and now I have to turn around and find a better route. I can word this as many ways as possible, but I will still feel useless. I will just sit in my rut and bathe in all its glory!