Jealousy

I am having a mental argument with jealousy at the moment. I hate that I possess such a horrible and damaging feeling. Its always been the bane of my existence. I can't remember the first time I felt jealous. Or even the last time. I imagine the first time I was jealous, I must not have understood what it meant, or what I was feeling. It probably involved a toy, or something someone had that wasn't mine. That situation has transpired over the years, and regardless of what it is, I feel like possession is what musters my jealousy.
At the moment, it is the possession of attention. Why must you direct your attention toward that person, and not toward me? I'm standing in the pathway, letting myself be hit over and over again by it. I am jealous of an idea. A thought that I am creating myself.
Damn. At times I feel as though I can even be jealous of myself. But at the moment, it is strictly based on a feeling, that is making me sick to my stomach. It's making my heart weak. I have nothing to be jealous of. My life is quite perfect at the moment. So why is this feeling digging its way through me?